Control. This is something we have zero of. Control is one of the biggest challenges with the adoption process. Well, lack there of. I started to feel that in some ways, being matched with a birthmother was like being pregnant - meaning the natural fears of the well-being for this growing baby. How every time we went to a sonogram or appointment, I found myself deathly afraid of bad news. I thought it was because of our two pregnancies, we can only relate pregnancy to bad news. Luckily, my friends that are mothers reassured me that it's normal to feel that way. It's a mom thing.
But what is unlike being pregnant is that this child is not in MY belly. I can't control what the birthmother is consuming. Is she taking her prenatal vitamins? Is she not sleeping on her back? Is she's singing to our sweet girl like I would be everyday? Is she falling in love with this baby like I am? Is she going to change her mind? Ugh... that's the most terrifying one of all.
What if this doesn't happen?
Six months is a really long time to be matched with a birthmother. In some ways, it's beautiful - especially for our daughter. She will know so much more about her birthparents than most adopted children. But selfishly, for Jim and me, it's exhausting. It's exhausting to stress every time I send a text message and she doesn't respond. It's exhausting to rely on someone else to fill us in with doctors information and test results. It's exhausting to want to plan and design a nursery, when in the back of your mind you are terrified that you'll end up having the saddest garage sale ever. It's exhausting to pick another name and be terrified that you won't be able to have it be a reality. It's exhausting to not be able to enjoy this journey 100% .
Today is one of those days where Jim and I really feel out of control and scared. For no particular reason, it's just one of those days. The fear creeps in and it takes over for a bit. Tomorrow will be better. We will find the strength to keep on down the road. We will grasp on to Hope and hold it close. It's all we can do.
l.o.v.e.
Showing posts with label Birthmother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birthmother. Show all posts
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
"Connected"
Exciting news!
Jim and I were out of town October 25-26 meeting with our baby's Birthmother. About a month ago we received word that someone was interested in us (see post A Day to Remember), and our relationship has grown. There are several details about the Birthmother that we are choosing to keep private for now. Some know more details than others, so if it's not posted here, it's not "public information". We don't want to seem weird, it's just a very private situation, and out of respect for her, we are not sharing every detail with you. On Sunday 10/25/15, we travelled 300+ miles to the Birthmother and met for dinner. The conversation was comfortable, easy and warming. On Monday morning, we went to her doctor's appointment and heard the baby's heartbeat. Jim and I never got to that point with our two pregnancies, and it was such a beautiful sound. It was already happening, but Jim and I fell in love with this baby at that very moment. We will travel back at the end of November for a 21 week sonogram. We have retained legal counsel to start "all of the legal stuff". Jim and I feel confident that this will work out. We understand that there are risks to any adoption scenario, but we are doing our best and allowing ourselves to enjoy the ride, while hoping for the best. More to come in the next few weeks. :)
Jim and I were out of town October 25-26 meeting with our baby's Birthmother. About a month ago we received word that someone was interested in us (see post A Day to Remember), and our relationship has grown. There are several details about the Birthmother that we are choosing to keep private for now. Some know more details than others, so if it's not posted here, it's not "public information". We don't want to seem weird, it's just a very private situation, and out of respect for her, we are not sharing every detail with you. On Sunday 10/25/15, we travelled 300+ miles to the Birthmother and met for dinner. The conversation was comfortable, easy and warming. On Monday morning, we went to her doctor's appointment and heard the baby's heartbeat. Jim and I never got to that point with our two pregnancies, and it was such a beautiful sound. It was already happening, but Jim and I fell in love with this baby at that very moment. We will travel back at the end of November for a 21 week sonogram. We have retained legal counsel to start "all of the legal stuff". Jim and I feel confident that this will work out. We understand that there are risks to any adoption scenario, but we are doing our best and allowing ourselves to enjoy the ride, while hoping for the best. More to come in the next few weeks. :)
Thank you for your continued prayers and good wishes. We appreciate you so much.
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| A snap-shot of our profile on Angel's website... "Connected"!! |
Friday, October 23, 2015
And Then We Were Mothers
Another inspiring video capturing the magnificence of adoption. Our friend, Angie, and her sons birthmother, tell their emotional journey sharing motherhood. What a beautiful friendship between two mothers; full of love, trust, and compassion. Please watch.
Friday, September 25, 2015
September 23, 2015 - A Day to Remember
We received a somewhat unexpected phone call Wednesday afternoon. I was in a meeting at work and for whatever reason, I had my personal cell phone with me. My phone rang, and it was an unknown number, so I waited to see if it went to voicemail. Sure enough, a few minutes later - ding! I googled the area code and since it was northern Chicago, I decided to step out of the meeting to see who it was...just in case....
"Hi Anne, this is Samantha at Angel Adoption. We have a birthmother that is interested in talking with you. Please call me back as soon as possible and I will give you more information."
HOLY CRAP!!!
I called Jim immediately and told him I would return the phone call and let him know what I find out. He reminded me to breathe, and take notes. I ran to the reception desk at the heart center asking for a pen and paper (mine was still sitting in my spot in the conference room). When the nurse handed me a post-it, I just laughed. I decided it would be best, and totally acceptable, to excuse myself from the meeting and make this important phone call. After several minutes of converstation, Samantha confirmed that we need to call the potential birthmother between 7:30-8 pm. She gave us other details, that at this time, we are choosing to keep private. I called Jim back and he was just as excited and anxious as I was. 7:15 rolled around and we were just beside ourselves. "How did this happen so fast?" "This is so amazing!" "What do we say?" "What will she be like?" At 7:28, I was certain we were both going to throw up. I had my Fitbit on and my heart rate was escalating quickly. 7:32 a reasonable (and punctual) time to call. As soon as she answered, we were instantly relieved. The conversation was very easy, heartwarming, and to be honest, it was perfect. We ended our phone call with plans to keep in touch and hopefully meet in the next few weeks/months.
This is only the very beginning of the journey. It's too early in the process to make any definite decisions, or legal action, but we are overjoyed and hopeful. If Jim and I were to have written a dream situation, this would be it.
Prayers please.
Xoxo,
Anne & Jim
"Hi Anne, this is Samantha at Angel Adoption. We have a birthmother that is interested in talking with you. Please call me back as soon as possible and I will give you more information."
HOLY CRAP!!!
I called Jim immediately and told him I would return the phone call and let him know what I find out. He reminded me to breathe, and take notes. I ran to the reception desk at the heart center asking for a pen and paper (mine was still sitting in my spot in the conference room). When the nurse handed me a post-it, I just laughed. I decided it would be best, and totally acceptable, to excuse myself from the meeting and make this important phone call. After several minutes of converstation, Samantha confirmed that we need to call the potential birthmother between 7:30-8 pm. She gave us other details, that at this time, we are choosing to keep private. I called Jim back and he was just as excited and anxious as I was. 7:15 rolled around and we were just beside ourselves. "How did this happen so fast?" "This is so amazing!" "What do we say?" "What will she be like?" At 7:28, I was certain we were both going to throw up. I had my Fitbit on and my heart rate was escalating quickly. 7:32 a reasonable (and punctual) time to call. As soon as she answered, we were instantly relieved. The conversation was very easy, heartwarming, and to be honest, it was perfect. We ended our phone call with plans to keep in touch and hopefully meet in the next few weeks/months.
This is only the very beginning of the journey. It's too early in the process to make any definite decisions, or legal action, but we are overjoyed and hopeful. If Jim and I were to have written a dream situation, this would be it.
Prayers please.
Xoxo,
Anne & Jim
We photo documented the evening. ONE glass of wine before, escalated heart-rates, and after the call... Nothing but tears of joy and thanks. :)
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