Whirldwind

July 1, 2017
In early July we were introduced to Chase, a 17-month-old boy, as his birthmother was considering placing him for adoption. We welcomed him into our home on several occasions - it was an opportunity for all of us to see if it was a good fit. For Jim and myself, we didn't need much convincing. Chase is all toddler boy - crazy and active; full of love and joy just oozing out of him. We were patient with his birthmother as she decided what to do. In mid August, we set a court date for consent, and she cancelled it. This happened several times and Jim and I felt it was best to move on and accept that she wasn't ready. It hurt. Bad. We loved him. We wanted to add him to our family. It took the wind out of us and we decided to contact Angel Adoption.


August 22, 2017


From: Jim and Anne

Date: Tue, Aug 22, 2017 at 12:59 PM

. . . . . . .

We understand it is very limiting. In fact, it's our last resort before ending our contract completely. If you just want to put our last 3 months on "hold", that is fine too. If we choose to ever use those months, we'll let you know. 

We just can't keep doing this. It's difficult to believe there are many couples that have positive, successful outcomes through your process. Obviously we have had a ridiculously awful experience, and maybe we're just "unlucky". Whatever it is, it is unbearable. 

If I knew then, what I know now; about the potential heartbreak, disrespect, and expenses that this journey includes, I would have closed the door two years ago. What we have been through has taken the light from our eyes. And it's changed how we feel about birth mothers and their intentions. This process has nearly broken us. 

The worst of it is....we still want to be parents. But we are absolutely exhausted by the process in which that has to happen. 

I don't know what is best for us anymore. If a miracle baby is born and a birth mother contacts you & you share our profile, and she selects us, the risk is minimal if anything. And really, that's what we need -  Low Risk. That's all we can consider bearing right now.  

 Anne & Jim

August 23, 2017

From: Samantha 

Date: Wed, Aug 23, 2017 at 5:37 PM
Subject: baby girl in Houston

Despite the emails from yesterday, I'm reaching out with hope in my heart. I sat with Liz this morning to discuss this and neither of us could rationalize not presenting this situation to you. It's as close as we will get to what you have requested. We understand if you want to pass, I have another family I can contact. This situation came to us yesterday and has since developed today. 

If you are willing to give it one last try, we would need you in Houston, TX asap and in order to do the agency placement with Little Flowers (TX agency), there cannot be ANY criminal history in your home study.

Little Flowers will coordinate relinquishment signing with birth mom 48 hours after birth. With the agency placement, it will be irrevocable. 

I asked about "cradle care" so that you would not have to be there until after signing takes place, but it's unavailable in Houston and the hospital needs a family there for baby's release. I can put you in touch for further instructions and advice. ***They did say there's expected flooding in Houston over the next few days, so that may deter travel plans. ***

*** Hurricane Harvey***

Hurricane Harvey was an extremely destructive Atlantic hurricane which became the first major hurricane to make landfall in the United States since Wilma in 2005, ending a record 12-year span in which no hurricanes made landfall at such an intensity in the country. In a four-day period, many areas received more than 40 inches of rain as the system meandered over eastern Texas and adjacent waters, causing catastrophic flooding.

Harvey then began to rapidly intensify on August 24, regaining tropical storm status and becoming a hurricane later that day. While the storm moved generally northwest, Harvey's intensification phase stalled slightly overnight from August 24–25; however, Harvey soon resumed strengthening and quickly became a major hurricane and attained Category 4 intensity later that day. Hours later, Harvey made landfall near Rockport, Texas, at peak intensity. Afterwards, rapid weakening ensued, and Harvey had degraded to a tropical storm as it stalled near the coastline of the state, dropping torrential and unprecedented amounts of rainfall over the Lone Star state.

August 23, 2017 cont. 

 We decided to give it "one last shot". We packed a full-size luggage bag with all of the baby stuff we could find, and a carry-on bag for both Jim and myself. To be honest, I don't remember who we called... my mom? Ashley? Anyway, it's all a blur... We booked one way flights for 5 am 8/24/2017, we dropped off Leonard at Uncle Mike's and were headed to Chicago by 8 pm. On the way to the Midway Airport hotel, we contacted the Texas agency to discuss the potential adoption. After knowing a few more details, we decided to postpone our flights to later in the day Friday, so that the social workers could meet with the birthmother. We hardly slept.

August 24, 2017

The morning hours were AGONIZING as we waited to hear from the social worker that we were "good to go" to come to Texas. Around 11:30 am, we got the call - It looked as good as it could  - we need to board the plane! On the flight (one way into a hurricane!), we casually discussed names. This was hard. Harder than it'd been before. We've just lost so many names and I think we were both so guarded to get attached. We didn't settle on anything. We arrived to the hospital around 8 pm, where the birthmother had already been discharged. The nurse sent us to a private room. Shortly after, she wheeled "baby girl" in. The birthmother wanted us to name her. We spent the night at the hospital with her in the room. Still no name. In the morning, Jim and I realized and accepted that this is baby Olivia that we had dreamt of since we were dating. It felt right. She's our Olivia James. Due to the weather we were unable to meet face-to-face with her birthmother, but we did FaceTime, and we expressed our gratitude and love. We encouraged the staff to let us leave the hospital and head to Austin. Begrudgingly they let us leave so we could attempt to escape the hurricane. Social workers scrambled to meet with the birthmother for final consent, but near 5:30 pm we received a text from Birthmother (totally crying reliving this moment), "The paperwork is signed. She is your daughter."

To Date

In the midst of adopting Olivia, Chase's birthmother contacted us and her attorney and expressed that she wanted to move forward with placement. We told her our recent developments, but that we love him and would be happy to adopt him as well. She agreed and suddenly, we were a family of four! We've been home for three weeks and we are settling in as a family. All is well. Don't get me wrong - it's chaos. But it's beautiful chaos. It's all been so crazy beautiful. We are overwhelmed with love and gratitude. The journey makes sense now. So many pieces had to fall into place just as they did.

God had a plan all along. We just had to keep the faith.



Developments

We've come across some disturbing information about why our adoption fell through with Dinesha. . . and needless to say, we feel defeated. I don't need to go into detail - and to be totally transparent, we are putting pieces together; it's not like we have spoken to her for confirmation.
We are five months away from our contract end with Angel and I can say with most confidence, at that time we will no longer continue our adoption journey. It's just been too hard. We have given it OUR ALL; our finances, our time, our hope, our love, everything. As of now, we still want to be  parents. Those seven days with Nora were the best days of our lives. But at some point, I want us to accept that we tried, and move on. We've been living in limbo for five years, and I'm quite tired.
I just keep praying that God will take away the desire to have children, so that we do not live bitter lives towards those that were able to grow their families.

Article

My mother posted this article on Facebook, and I shared it as well. I was thinking since this blog is sort-of a diary for me, I would post it here, as well; something to look back on. A lot of this article strikes a chord with me. And I'm sure once our son is at home with us, I will relate to even more.

How are we doing?

Oh man, I don't even know how to answer that question. We are back at home. It's weird. It's weird because it feels normal. Normal but quiet. Normal but somber. Normal but empty. Normal but not. We never planned to walk back into this house without Nora. If this is normal, what was last week? A dream? It's all very confusing. 

I'd like to say that everyday gets a little easier, but we haven't gotten to that point yet. Today, for example, has been hard on me. It's my fault, I looked at pictures and videos as soon as I woke up today. Jim and I are doing what we need to be doing; we get out of the house (mainly to walk Leonard), we talk about her, we snuggle, we're loving each other, we do side projects, etc. The littlest things make us exhausted. Neither of us have returned to work yet. But we're shooting for Monday. It's just going to take time to find peace, I guess. 

For now, I'm laying on the floor in the nursery with Leo (he loves this rug), just thinking about our adoption journey so far. It's been harder than we thought it'd be. But everyone keeps saying there's a bigger plan just waiting for us. We really hope that's true. 

Georgia on My Mind

"Georgia, Georgia
The whole day through
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind"

This Friday I head to Georgia to meet Ayanna, the birthmother we have been connected with since early May. I'm not nervous. I am anxious. I am anxious to meet the woman that has become such a close friend in such a short time. The courageous woman that wants only the best for her unborn daughter, and sacrifices her happiness to provide it. The woman that is carrying this sweet baby girl that we hope to raise as our own in a few short weeks. I am anxious to meet the woman that is my hero.

I've been praying to God for all the details surrounding this meeting. For calmness of all involved. For Ayanna to feel and believe the support, love, trust and gratefulness we have for her. For this to be the beginning of a growing relationship for our daughter. That we will always be a part of each others life; sharing our families and learning from one another. For God to keep Ayanna and baby girl protected until it is time for baby to enter this world, and continue to protect for all of their days. I thank God for all the blessings He has provided for us.

Rage Against the Minivan

I stumbled across this blog today and found it funny, inspiring, and educational. You can click around to specific posts about adoption, parenting, traveling, and more. If you are a mother, I'm sure you will get a kick out of her stories. I am constantly growing and learning more about myself (and others) through the adoption process. Check it out and enjoy!

Can you do us a favor?

We are reaching out to all of you to help us find our little one. You never know if your friends cousin, neighbors daughter, co-workers niece, college students friend, might be expecting and considering adoption. Sure, it sounds like a long shot, but it does happen. We know couples that have made connections privately through friends and family. So please keep your ears open, reach out to your friends, church, relatives, etc.. We welcome all the help we can get. Please share this blog with your friends, family, and co-workers.


A few things for you to know:

• We are certified for domestic adoption
• We are open to any race and gender
• We are open to any afterbirth scenario (closed, semi-open, or open)
• We are CPR and First Aid certified
• Our email is JimandAnne1112@gmail.com
• We are not certified for Foster care

We have considered making an adoption Facebook page, website, photo books, etc.. If you think you need something to help us get the word out, let us know! We welcome suggestions. :)


Thank you for your continued support.


Anne & Jim

"Connected"

Exciting news!
Jim and I were out of town October 25-26 meeting with our baby's Birthmother.  About a month ago we received word that someone was interested in us (see post A Day to Remember), and our relationship has grown. There are several details about the Birthmother that we are choosing to keep private for now. Some know more details than others, so if it's not posted here, it's not "public information". We don't want to seem weird, it's just a very private situation, and out of respect for her, we are not sharing every detail with you.  On Sunday 10/25/15, we travelled 300+ miles to the Birthmother and met for dinner. The conversation was comfortable, easy and warming.  On Monday morning, we went to her doctor's appointment and heard the baby's heartbeat.  Jim and I never got to that point with our two pregnancies, and it was such a beautiful sound. It was already happening, but Jim and I fell in love with this baby at that very moment. We will travel back at the end of November for a 21 week sonogram. We have retained legal counsel to start "all of the legal stuff". Jim and I feel confident that this will work out. We understand that there are risks to any adoption scenario, but we are doing our best and allowing ourselves to enjoy the ride, while hoping for the best. More to come in the next few weeks. :)

Thank you for your continued prayers and good wishes. We appreciate you so much.

A snap-shot of our profile on Angel's website... "Connected"!!

And Then We Were Mothers

Another inspiring video capturing the magnificence of adoption. Our friend, Angie, and her sons birthmother, tell their emotional journey sharing motherhood. What a beautiful friendship between two mothers; full of love, trust, and compassion.  Please watch.

What Not To Say

I've come across several blogs that list "things not to say" to people when they announce they are adopting. Most of them were spot on. In fact, it's only been two months into this process and we've already heard each one of these. Hey, it's a learning process for all of us. xoxo


You just wait, now you'll get pregnant!
This is the most common thing people have said to me when we told them we are adopting. I'm sure there are many wonderful stories of people adopting and then getting pregnant. BUT... this is not the case for everyone. You don't know what the couple has been through or why they haven't been able to have biological children, so don't assume because you've heard about it happening that it will happen for this couple. Saying, "now you'll get pregnant," in a way says, "don't worry, there is still hope that you can have 'your own' child." Instead, just congratulate the couple that they will soon have "their own" child through adoption!


Ohhh (concerned voice), my brother's friend's cousin's daughter's uncle adopted and [insert adoption horror story].
Listen, there are sad adoption stories, no doubt about that. As adoptive parents, it's a risk we know we are very possibly signing up for. A risk we are willing to take, because we know the potentially rocky road will eventually lead us to our little one. BUT, we don't need someone else to remind us of the potential heartbreak. Instead of adding to our fear, how about offering to pray for our adoption journey!?


We've always wanted to adopt too! Maybe, someday, after we have a few of our own.
OK, if you're serious about adopting down the road, then awesome! But, 1.) please know the children we adopt will be "our own" 2.) Good for you that you can pick, choose and plan when and how to have your family... But please don't make it sound as if it's as easy as going to the Human Society to pick out a puppy. If you are serious, we'd be happy to fill you in on adoption and the process; if not, just don't go there.


That child will be so lucky to have you as parents/You have such big hearts to adopt those children.
I believe these two comments come from a loving place and thank you for your nice compliments. BUT, let me let you in on a few little secrets: We are not adopting children to achieve sainthood. We are adopting children because we want children and a family. So, while it's true we have big hearts and lots of love to share... that's just being a good parent. You're right, the child we adopt will be lucky, but WE are a zillion-trillion-gazillion times luckier to be blessed with that child. Lastly, please don't say "those children" like they are dirty or lesser in any way than someone's biological children. "those children" are made by the same God that blesses families' biological children.


Aren’t you afraid that your child may have inherited some of their birthparents’ less desirable traits? No. Aren’t you afraid yours has?  Sorry, got a little bitter, there. But you get my point.


You can have mine!: Be positive in front of us. We don't want yours – although we would do anything in the world to make them feel loved. We want our own and we want you to appreciate your own.


You are young - You have plenty of time! It doesn’t matter how old or young we are – if we want a baby, we want a baby. To us, everyone on Facebook and Instagram is taking pictures of their bump and announcing their pregnancy. We want what they have - maybe what you have. Please be considerate that everyone makes their family in their own way, but not always in their own time.


Well, the great thing is, you'll never have to go through childbirth. You're right!
I will never get to experience one of the defining characteristics of woman-hood. I’ll never get to share the experiences that my mother, cousins, friends, and 98% of the rest of women go through. Thank you for pointing out that the thing that I looked forward to will never happen. You don’t need to validate our choice. Especially by presenting a very emotionally damaging issue in a positive light.


What it’s really about
It’s about the child, not the parent.  All of these questions and statements are really parent-focused, instead of child-centric. When you meet a couple that’s adopting,  don’t focus on them and their story; focus on their children.  Treat an adopting couple like any other expecting couple. Ask them about the children: Do you want a boy or a girl? Do you have names, a nursery? Will the child be a Bears fan or Packers fan? Adopting couples want to be parents, just like anyone else. Don’t single us out with statements or questions that make us feel inferior and inadequate. Celebrate our future children just like you would anyone else’s.

Chloe - A Story of Infertility, Adoption, and God's Love

A sweet, inspiring, and beautiful adoption story. Please watch.

We are live!

As of this afternoon, our profile is live! This means that if there are expectant mothers that meet our criteria, and are due in November or later, they will receive our profile. Oh, my goodness, I can't explain how exciting and nerve-wracking this is... It's hard not to get our hopes up that this could happen quickly for us. When Jim and I started dating, we referred to ourselves as "The Lucky Ones". Unfortunately, we haven't referenced that in a long time. Oh, I want so badly for us to feel "lucky" again.
Please keep us in your prayers.

Homework Packet(s)

Yesterday, we were assigned a social worker in Springfield & we scheduled our first in-office visit for September 14th. She sent us our "Homework Packets". Both are 15 pages each, but good news for us, 6 of those pages get sent to our friends for reference letters. Whew! Some of the pages include things like a Fire Evacuation Plan - Now, this is my kind of paperwork! I'm glad we have to do things like this, Ha-ha. (Jim is rolling his eyes.) Question #2) If you reside in a two story home and your children's bedrooms are on the upper level what are the means of escape in case the children cannot exit down the stairs? Escape ladder here we come! Or better yet, maybe we can install a slide so we can get Lilly and Leonard out easier, too. All joking aside, I really am glad we have to do things like this. It may seem a little overboard right now, but I am all about safety and planning. A safe home is a happy home. :)

Friends - Adoption Letter

Celebrating getting the rest of packet #2 sent off! Pretty sure the homework packet (#3) includes reference letters from our selected friends. Just remember, we are human prepossessing homo sapiens with full size aortic pumps.
xoxo

 

Details

So…what are the details??? A lot of you are probably wondering the same things - so here's a few more details:

 Jim and I have signed a contract with a company out of Illinois that deals with infant adoption only. Technically, they are a marketing agency – not a licensed adoption agency. They work through Lutheran Child Family Services as their licensed agent. Why did we choose them? A) Cost. It’s about 1/3 the price of a large agency, B) It’s a small program, they only accept 6-8 families a month and they have a 98% placement rate under 24 months! Which is AWESOME. We also found this company through friends of friends that have adopted or that are in the program along with us.

 How does this work? Jim and I have filled out a profile that includes information about us, our family, our home, our pets, etc. We sent several pictures (probably some that include you), filled out questions such as adoption arrangement, and other factors. All of this information was compiled into our adoption profile. This profile is sent out to expectant mothers nationwide that are considering adoption. If they are interested in us, they let the company know, and they put us in touch. We talk on the phone, skype, meet, whatever it takes. This part of the process is called “Connected”. If the birthmother chooses us (which she will, because we are awesome), then we are “Matched”. And that’s the exciting part!!. Typically, a lawyer is hired in the state of the birthmother about 1-2 months before the expected due date. Some mothers stay in touch throughout pregnancy, some get a little distant. It’s a game of hope and patience. We wait for the call that she is in labor and we drive or fly to wherever she may be. Then 3-14 days later, once the paperwork is complete, we come home with our baby.

 Jim and I are open to any race and any gender.

 We are also open to the expectant mothers adoption arrangement preference: Open – annual visits, Semi-Open – letters and pictures, or Closed – no contact. We have mixed emotions about all of the scenarios. But most of all, we want what is best for our child; an arrangement that offers them the most answers and peace.

 What is the timeframe? The average wait is 12-16 months. Could be shorter, could be longer.

Xoxo,

Anne & Jim

Getting started!

Things have been happening to get the adoption process going! We sent our contract to Angel at the beginning of August, and received the information to start building our profile. It’s hard to describe what it’s like to write to your potential birthmother (expectant mother). We found ourselves very humbled finding words to express not only our gratitude, but our endless compassion for this person and the decision they are making. In such a short time I feel like this experience has already changed who I am as a person. I feel like I have already expanded my open mindedness and this is just the beginning!

 It’s funny, we kind of struggled with how to portray our relationship, our life now and how we are going to incorporate our future child in this life we share. Seems simple enough, except that you are writing this to someone that ultimately decides if their child is placed with you… All I kept thinking was don’t say something stupid, don’t make it sound like we have too much fun, because then they can’t imagine us with a child… But we don’t want to sound boring either… You see where I’m getting here. And then it clicked. We just have to be ourselves. We have to describe our daily activities (that typically revolve around our dog), our family, and our passion – building our family.

 In unison, we sent our application for our home study to LCFS (Lutheran Child and Family Services). Wow! That’s a lot of paperwork. And just when you think you’re done, they’re like, “Great! We received your packet. Packet #2 is on the way out today.” Oh bother, this one is a doozy. It’s taking us more time than we anticipated because we have to gather so much paperwork that we don’t necessarily keep at hand. But we are almost there. I’m anxious for this one to be complete. Except that she explained that the next one is the “homework packet”. :-/ We’ve sent off our finger prints, which we hear takes the longest to turn around (4-6 weeks). Pretty soon we will be traveling to Springfield for interviews and then finally, our in-home visit. We’ve already started the little things like outlet covers, etc. We’re waiting for the last minute to install child safety locks on cabinets (Yes, you have to have these in place before you even have a child…) – I’ve never been good at managing child locks. And if I put locks on the cabinets for my cleaning supplies, I’ll probably just see it as an excuse to not clean.