Merry Christmas

It's Christmas Eve and everyone has left from our family dinner. The house is so quiet [not a creature is stirring, not even Leonard...]. Jim and I sit on the couch not saying much as I know we are thinking the same thing. We're thinking about how fun it would be to set out cookies for Santa. To wake up in the morning, snuggle with our little one in their flannel pajimjams, and open presents. Someday it will happen. And it might not be as glamorous as we imagine it to be, but it will be wonderful.  Our hearts are full of love that we are waiting to give our future child. We pray for him or her tonight, as always, that we will be together soon. 

Tonight we will focus on what we are thankful to have today. We are thankful for this life we live. Most of all we are thankful for our wonderful friends and family that we share this life with. 

Merry Christmas to you and yours. 

Love, 

Anne and Jim 

Broken Hearts

It is with great sadness that we tell you our adoption connection has failed ("failed" meaning the parents have decided to seek another placement for baby girl). This was unexpected news to us and we are absolutely devastated. For three months we have allowed our hearts to open to both birthparents and of course, this little baby girl. We slowly began to fill her nursery. We foolishly picked her name. Once again, we find ourselves mourning a child that never came to be. She will always be a part of our hearts, as are our other two babies. We are praying that she is placed with a family that will love and cherish her the way we do. Our hearts are broken and ache in ways we are all too familiar with.


There is never good timing for bad news or heartbreak. However, seeing that it is the week before Christmas, we just wanted to let you know that we probably don't want to talk about this in person unless we bring it up. We know you all care for us and want to show your love, but we are very raw and fragile. We thank you for your continued support and love as we work through this dark time.


Anne & Jim

Prayers

We need your prayers more than ever. The journey has taken yet another turn and we don’t know where this path will lead us. Please pray for peace in our hearts as we try to understand why some doors open and others close. Please pray for the well-being of this little baby girl and her future life – may it be with us or someone else. Please pray for Jim and I to stay strong, hopeful and calm.

Please pray for us.

Control

Control. This is something we have zero of. Control is one of the biggest challenges with the adoption process. Well, lack there of. I started to feel that in some ways, being matched with a birthmother was like being pregnant - meaning the natural fears of the well-being for this growing baby. How every time we went to a sonogram or appointment, I found myself deathly afraid of bad news. I thought it was because of our two pregnancies, we can only relate pregnancy to bad news. Luckily, my friends that are mothers reassured me that it's normal to feel that way. It's a mom thing.

But what is unlike being pregnant is that this child is not in MY belly. I can't control what the birthmother is consuming. Is she taking her prenatal vitamins? Is she not sleeping on her back? Is she's singing to our sweet girl like I would be everyday? Is she falling in love with this baby like I am? Is she going to change her mind? Ugh... that's the most terrifying one of all.

What if this doesn't happen?

Six months is a really long time to be matched with a birthmother. In some ways, it's beautiful -  especially for our daughter. She will know so much more about her birthparents than most adopted children. But selfishly, for Jim and me, it's exhausting. It's exhausting to stress every time I send a text message and she doesn't respond. It's exhausting to rely on someone else to fill us in with doctors information and test results. It's exhausting to want to plan and design a nursery, when in the back of your mind you are terrified that you'll end up having the saddest garage sale ever. It's exhausting to pick another name and be terrified that you won't be able to have it be a reality. It's exhausting to not be able to enjoy this journey 100% .

Today is one of those days where Jim and I really feel out of control and scared. For no particular reason, it's just one of those days. The fear creeps in and it takes over for a bit. Tomorrow will be better. We will find the strength to keep on down the road. We will grasp on to Hope and hold it close. It's all we can do.

You're safe with us!

This week Jim and I received our First Aid and CPR certification! Several weeks ago we took a 4 hour (mandatory) class at the Springer Center in Champaign. We learned Infant CPR, Adult CPR, Choking, Fist Aid, etc. Basically, you are safe with us. We've got you covered. Unless there are snakes involved - Jim is out. Or if you're vomiting - I'm out (should probably get over this before baby arrives *mental note*).  All joking aside, even though these classes, webinars, booklets, are expensive and time consuming, I'm glad we have developed the necessary knowledge that will keep baby Meek safe and healthy. And yes, the rumor is true, it's good to know the song "Stayin' Alive".


Want to learn more? Check out www.heart.org for classes near you!

Jacob Chen - An Adoption Story

Another video that makes me cry. Every single time. [Especially at 3:30] Enjoy.

Team Pink

Telling family we are TEAM PINK

A few weeks ago we celebrated Ellie's birthday at our house with family. Jim purchased several assorted balloons (including 1 pink, and 1 blue). After everyone was settled, we both grabbed a balloon, and told Ellie all of the balloons are hers, except one. As soon as my Mom saw we were both holding a balloon, she immediately started screaming, "IT'S TWINS?!" Ha, no! Quickly I let go of my blue balloon as Jim clenched tightly to his pink one, and we said "It's a Girl!". After the initial shock of everyone thinking we were expecting twins wore off, there were tears and praise of joy. It was nice to have a celebratory moment with family on this journey.  :)
Have I mentioned that we can't wait to meet this little bunny?!

Baby Meek Coming April 2016

We had another lovely visit a few weeks ago - probably one of the best. Sunday evening we went to dinner and had a great time getting to know one another better and sharing stories. Monday morning was another check-in with the OBGYN to hear the babies beautiful heartbeat - strong at 154 beats per minute. Shortly afterwards, we headed down the street to the hospital for the sonogram.  The nurse was very kind to let our entourage in for the viewing, and we're so grateful she did because it was one of, if not the best experiences of our life.
The room was dark and there was Christmas music playing softly in the background. The nurse explained that the whole sonogram would take about 40 minutes. Jim and I stood back in the dark corner trying to stay out of the way. The birthmother made a point to make sure the nurse knew that it's important that Jim and I can see everything. We reassured her that we had a great view. She squirted the gel on her belly, and instantly the baby appeared. Fluttering heartbeat and arms and legs bouncing about - so much in fact, it was difficult to get a good profile pic as the baby kept "looking at the camera".   I couldn't hold back the hot tears running down my cheeks. So many thoughts were crossing my mind; how much I love Jim, how grateful and blessed we are to have been connected so early on in our adoption journey, how my motherly instincts are already kicking in - worrying about every last detail of this baby & the adoption process, how long and trying this road has been leading up to this moment as we get to see our beautiful baby, and how anxious we are for April when we get to become parents.

We are excited to announce that BABY GIRL MEEK is coming in April 2016.

Baby Girl Meek looking at us!