Merry Christmas

It's Christmas Eve and everyone has left from our family dinner. The house is so quiet [not a creature is stirring, not even Leonard...]. Jim and I sit on the couch not saying much as I know we are thinking the same thing. We're thinking about how fun it would be to set out cookies for Santa. To wake up in the morning, snuggle with our little one in their flannel pajimjams, and open presents. Someday it will happen. And it might not be as glamorous as we imagine it to be, but it will be wonderful.  Our hearts are full of love that we are waiting to give our future child. We pray for him or her tonight, as always, that we will be together soon. 

Tonight we will focus on what we are thankful to have today. We are thankful for this life we live. Most of all we are thankful for our wonderful friends and family that we share this life with. 

Merry Christmas to you and yours. 

Love, 

Anne and Jim 

Broken Hearts

It is with great sadness that we tell you our adoption connection has failed ("failed" meaning the parents have decided to seek another placement for baby girl). This was unexpected news to us and we are absolutely devastated. For three months we have allowed our hearts to open to both birthparents and of course, this little baby girl. We slowly began to fill her nursery. We foolishly picked her name. Once again, we find ourselves mourning a child that never came to be. She will always be a part of our hearts, as are our other two babies. We are praying that she is placed with a family that will love and cherish her the way we do. Our hearts are broken and ache in ways we are all too familiar with.


There is never good timing for bad news or heartbreak. However, seeing that it is the week before Christmas, we just wanted to let you know that we probably don't want to talk about this in person unless we bring it up. We know you all care for us and want to show your love, but we are very raw and fragile. We thank you for your continued support and love as we work through this dark time.


Anne & Jim

Prayers

We need your prayers more than ever. The journey has taken yet another turn and we don’t know where this path will lead us. Please pray for peace in our hearts as we try to understand why some doors open and others close. Please pray for the well-being of this little baby girl and her future life – may it be with us or someone else. Please pray for Jim and I to stay strong, hopeful and calm.

Please pray for us.

Control

Control. This is something we have zero of. Control is one of the biggest challenges with the adoption process. Well, lack there of. I started to feel that in some ways, being matched with a birthmother was like being pregnant - meaning the natural fears of the well-being for this growing baby. How every time we went to a sonogram or appointment, I found myself deathly afraid of bad news. I thought it was because of our two pregnancies, we can only relate pregnancy to bad news. Luckily, my friends that are mothers reassured me that it's normal to feel that way. It's a mom thing.

But what is unlike being pregnant is that this child is not in MY belly. I can't control what the birthmother is consuming. Is she taking her prenatal vitamins? Is she not sleeping on her back? Is she's singing to our sweet girl like I would be everyday? Is she falling in love with this baby like I am? Is she going to change her mind? Ugh... that's the most terrifying one of all.

What if this doesn't happen?

Six months is a really long time to be matched with a birthmother. In some ways, it's beautiful -  especially for our daughter. She will know so much more about her birthparents than most adopted children. But selfishly, for Jim and me, it's exhausting. It's exhausting to stress every time I send a text message and she doesn't respond. It's exhausting to rely on someone else to fill us in with doctors information and test results. It's exhausting to want to plan and design a nursery, when in the back of your mind you are terrified that you'll end up having the saddest garage sale ever. It's exhausting to pick another name and be terrified that you won't be able to have it be a reality. It's exhausting to not be able to enjoy this journey 100% .

Today is one of those days where Jim and I really feel out of control and scared. For no particular reason, it's just one of those days. The fear creeps in and it takes over for a bit. Tomorrow will be better. We will find the strength to keep on down the road. We will grasp on to Hope and hold it close. It's all we can do.

You're safe with us!

This week Jim and I received our First Aid and CPR certification! Several weeks ago we took a 4 hour (mandatory) class at the Springer Center in Champaign. We learned Infant CPR, Adult CPR, Choking, Fist Aid, etc. Basically, you are safe with us. We've got you covered. Unless there are snakes involved - Jim is out. Or if you're vomiting - I'm out (should probably get over this before baby arrives *mental note*).  All joking aside, even though these classes, webinars, booklets, are expensive and time consuming, I'm glad we have developed the necessary knowledge that will keep baby Meek safe and healthy. And yes, the rumor is true, it's good to know the song "Stayin' Alive".


Want to learn more? Check out www.heart.org for classes near you!

Jacob Chen - An Adoption Story

Another video that makes me cry. Every single time. [Especially at 3:30] Enjoy.

Team Pink

Telling family we are TEAM PINK

A few weeks ago we celebrated Ellie's birthday at our house with family. Jim purchased several assorted balloons (including 1 pink, and 1 blue). After everyone was settled, we both grabbed a balloon, and told Ellie all of the balloons are hers, except one. As soon as my Mom saw we were both holding a balloon, she immediately started screaming, "IT'S TWINS?!" Ha, no! Quickly I let go of my blue balloon as Jim clenched tightly to his pink one, and we said "It's a Girl!". After the initial shock of everyone thinking we were expecting twins wore off, there were tears and praise of joy. It was nice to have a celebratory moment with family on this journey.  :)
Have I mentioned that we can't wait to meet this little bunny?!

Baby Meek Coming April 2016

We had another lovely visit a few weeks ago - probably one of the best. Sunday evening we went to dinner and had a great time getting to know one another better and sharing stories. Monday morning was another check-in with the OBGYN to hear the babies beautiful heartbeat - strong at 154 beats per minute. Shortly afterwards, we headed down the street to the hospital for the sonogram.  The nurse was very kind to let our entourage in for the viewing, and we're so grateful she did because it was one of, if not the best experiences of our life.
The room was dark and there was Christmas music playing softly in the background. The nurse explained that the whole sonogram would take about 40 minutes. Jim and I stood back in the dark corner trying to stay out of the way. The birthmother made a point to make sure the nurse knew that it's important that Jim and I can see everything. We reassured her that we had a great view. She squirted the gel on her belly, and instantly the baby appeared. Fluttering heartbeat and arms and legs bouncing about - so much in fact, it was difficult to get a good profile pic as the baby kept "looking at the camera".   I couldn't hold back the hot tears running down my cheeks. So many thoughts were crossing my mind; how much I love Jim, how grateful and blessed we are to have been connected so early on in our adoption journey, how my motherly instincts are already kicking in - worrying about every last detail of this baby & the adoption process, how long and trying this road has been leading up to this moment as we get to see our beautiful baby, and how anxious we are for April when we get to become parents.

We are excited to announce that BABY GIRL MEEK is coming in April 2016.

Baby Girl Meek looking at us!

"Connected"

Exciting news!
Jim and I were out of town October 25-26 meeting with our baby's Birthmother.  About a month ago we received word that someone was interested in us (see post A Day to Remember), and our relationship has grown. There are several details about the Birthmother that we are choosing to keep private for now. Some know more details than others, so if it's not posted here, it's not "public information". We don't want to seem weird, it's just a very private situation, and out of respect for her, we are not sharing every detail with you.  On Sunday 10/25/15, we travelled 300+ miles to the Birthmother and met for dinner. The conversation was comfortable, easy and warming.  On Monday morning, we went to her doctor's appointment and heard the baby's heartbeat.  Jim and I never got to that point with our two pregnancies, and it was such a beautiful sound. It was already happening, but Jim and I fell in love with this baby at that very moment. We will travel back at the end of November for a 21 week sonogram. We have retained legal counsel to start "all of the legal stuff". Jim and I feel confident that this will work out. We understand that there are risks to any adoption scenario, but we are doing our best and allowing ourselves to enjoy the ride, while hoping for the best. More to come in the next few weeks. :)

Thank you for your continued prayers and good wishes. We appreciate you so much.

A snap-shot of our profile on Angel's website... "Connected"!!

And Then We Were Mothers

Another inspiring video capturing the magnificence of adoption. Our friend, Angie, and her sons birthmother, tell their emotional journey sharing motherhood. What a beautiful friendship between two mothers; full of love, trust, and compassion.  Please watch.

What Not To Say

I've come across several blogs that list "things not to say" to people when they announce they are adopting. Most of them were spot on. In fact, it's only been two months into this process and we've already heard each one of these. Hey, it's a learning process for all of us. xoxo


You just wait, now you'll get pregnant!
This is the most common thing people have said to me when we told them we are adopting. I'm sure there are many wonderful stories of people adopting and then getting pregnant. BUT... this is not the case for everyone. You don't know what the couple has been through or why they haven't been able to have biological children, so don't assume because you've heard about it happening that it will happen for this couple. Saying, "now you'll get pregnant," in a way says, "don't worry, there is still hope that you can have 'your own' child." Instead, just congratulate the couple that they will soon have "their own" child through adoption!


Ohhh (concerned voice), my brother's friend's cousin's daughter's uncle adopted and [insert adoption horror story].
Listen, there are sad adoption stories, no doubt about that. As adoptive parents, it's a risk we know we are very possibly signing up for. A risk we are willing to take, because we know the potentially rocky road will eventually lead us to our little one. BUT, we don't need someone else to remind us of the potential heartbreak. Instead of adding to our fear, how about offering to pray for our adoption journey!?


We've always wanted to adopt too! Maybe, someday, after we have a few of our own.
OK, if you're serious about adopting down the road, then awesome! But, 1.) please know the children we adopt will be "our own" 2.) Good for you that you can pick, choose and plan when and how to have your family... But please don't make it sound as if it's as easy as going to the Human Society to pick out a puppy. If you are serious, we'd be happy to fill you in on adoption and the process; if not, just don't go there.


That child will be so lucky to have you as parents/You have such big hearts to adopt those children.
I believe these two comments come from a loving place and thank you for your nice compliments. BUT, let me let you in on a few little secrets: We are not adopting children to achieve sainthood. We are adopting children because we want children and a family. So, while it's true we have big hearts and lots of love to share... that's just being a good parent. You're right, the child we adopt will be lucky, but WE are a zillion-trillion-gazillion times luckier to be blessed with that child. Lastly, please don't say "those children" like they are dirty or lesser in any way than someone's biological children. "those children" are made by the same God that blesses families' biological children.


Aren’t you afraid that your child may have inherited some of their birthparents’ less desirable traits? No. Aren’t you afraid yours has?  Sorry, got a little bitter, there. But you get my point.


You can have mine!: Be positive in front of us. We don't want yours – although we would do anything in the world to make them feel loved. We want our own and we want you to appreciate your own.


You are young - You have plenty of time! It doesn’t matter how old or young we are – if we want a baby, we want a baby. To us, everyone on Facebook and Instagram is taking pictures of their bump and announcing their pregnancy. We want what they have - maybe what you have. Please be considerate that everyone makes their family in their own way, but not always in their own time.


Well, the great thing is, you'll never have to go through childbirth. You're right!
I will never get to experience one of the defining characteristics of woman-hood. I’ll never get to share the experiences that my mother, cousins, friends, and 98% of the rest of women go through. Thank you for pointing out that the thing that I looked forward to will never happen. You don’t need to validate our choice. Especially by presenting a very emotionally damaging issue in a positive light.


What it’s really about
It’s about the child, not the parent.  All of these questions and statements are really parent-focused, instead of child-centric. When you meet a couple that’s adopting,  don’t focus on them and their story; focus on their children.  Treat an adopting couple like any other expecting couple. Ask them about the children: Do you want a boy or a girl? Do you have names, a nursery? Will the child be a Bears fan or Packers fan? Adopting couples want to be parents, just like anyone else. Don’t single us out with statements or questions that make us feel inferior and inadequate. Celebrate our future children just like you would anyone else’s.

Chloe - A Story of Infertility, Adoption, and God's Love

A sweet, inspiring, and beautiful adoption story. Please watch.

Home Visit

Today was our in-home visit with LCFS, and it was a breeze. We gave Lori a tour of our home and went over some of our paperwork. The rest of the time she was answering our millions of questions. Did I mention she is like the dictionary of adoption? We also got her feedback on our current potential birthmother situation, and she was very hopeful for us. :) All we have left is some online classes, and our home study is complete. If we find time (in-between football), we should be done this week!! What a relief to have this portion of the process completed.

September 23, 2015 - A Day to Remember

We received a somewhat unexpected phone call Wednesday afternoon. I was in a meeting at work and for whatever reason, I had my personal cell phone with me. My phone rang, and it was an unknown number, so I waited to see if it went to voicemail. Sure enough, a few minutes later - ding! I googled the area code and since it was northern Chicago, I decided to step out of the meeting to see who it was...just in case....


"Hi Anne, this is Samantha at Angel Adoption. We have a birthmother that is interested in talking with you. Please call me back as soon as possible and I will give you more information."


HOLY CRAP!!!


I called Jim immediately and told him I would return the phone call and let him know what I find out. He reminded me to breathe, and take notes. I ran to the reception desk at the heart center asking for a pen and paper (mine was still sitting in my spot in the conference room). When the nurse handed me a post-it, I just laughed. I decided it would be best, and totally acceptable, to excuse myself from the meeting and make this important phone call. After several minutes of converstation, Samantha confirmed that we need to call the potential birthmother between 7:30-8 pm. She gave us other details, that at this time, we are choosing to keep private. I called Jim back and he was just as excited and anxious as I was. 7:15 rolled around and we were just beside ourselves. "How did this happen so fast?" "This is so amazing!" "What do we say?" "What will she be like?" At 7:28, I was certain we were both going to throw up. I had my Fitbit on and my heart rate was escalating quickly. 7:32 a reasonable (and punctual) time to call. As soon as she answered, we were instantly relieved. The conversation was very easy, heartwarming, and to be honest, it was perfect. We ended our phone call with plans to keep in touch and hopefully meet in the next few weeks/months.


This is only the very beginning of the journey. It's too early in the process to make any definite decisions, or legal action, but we are overjoyed and hopeful. If Jim and I were to have written a dream situation, this would be it.


Prayers please.
Xoxo,
Anne & Jim

We photo documented the evening. ONE glass of wine before, escalated heart-rates, and after the call... Nothing but tears of joy and thanks. :)

First meeting with our social worker

Today Jim and I traveled to Springfield to meet our social worker, Lori. We didn't know what to expect, but we were pleasantly surprised to meet her and find out that she's completely down to earth and so easy to talk to. It was very refreshing to talk to someone that is so knowledgeable about adoption. She was like the dictionary of adoption, and we asked her millions of questions that she had answers to!! We filled out (and received) more paperwork to complete the process. We have scheduled our in-home visit for September 28. By that time we hope that all of our paperwork will be done, and we will officially be completed with our homestudy! Today was a very exciting day. 

We are live!

As of this afternoon, our profile is live! This means that if there are expectant mothers that meet our criteria, and are due in November or later, they will receive our profile. Oh, my goodness, I can't explain how exciting and nerve-wracking this is... It's hard not to get our hopes up that this could happen quickly for us. When Jim and I started dating, we referred to ourselves as "The Lucky Ones". Unfortunately, we haven't referenced that in a long time. Oh, I want so badly for us to feel "lucky" again.
Please keep us in your prayers.

Thank you

Thank you for all of your supportive and encouraging words. We are very grateful to have such loving friends and family! Your thoughts and prayers keep us positive and strong, which we will continue to need throughout this journey.

Love,

Anne & Jim

The word is out!

So we started this blog about two weeks ago (for therapeutic reasons and for informational purposes), but today is the day someone other than us will read it - Welcome! 

We spent the weekend in Austin, spending our time with Anne's friend Ashely and Jim's sister Julia. We waited to share our exciting news via email until we could have some face time with these peeps. It's exciting to share the news, get joyful reactions, and educate people on the process. And now we're excited to share the news with all of you!

We received an email from Angel while we were vacationing that they received our profile. They will review our packet and within 1-2 weeks our profile will be sent out! So exciting. Because our home study is not yet complete, our profile will only be shared with expectant mothers with a due date later than our expected home study completion (after October, most likely). 

What we've learned so far

As we mentioned earlier, we have not signed a contract with an adoption agency, only a marketing agency, that helps get our profile out more frequently. What this means, is that in addition to Angel finding us a birth mother, we can find one, too! We have been researching Illinois attorney's to potentially help with this process. Most attorneys require a retainer fee, but their services last until you have a child placed in your home.  After speaking with a Charleston attorney, we learned a little more about this process. As it turns out, there have been two Illinois adoption agencies close in the past few months because birthmothers are using placement agencies less and less. These days, they are researching families on their own, using the internet, etc. Essentially, we are paying a premium to market ourselves through Angel - not a bad thing, since this is how a lot of birthmothers are finding their "matches". An attorney can help find matches, but on a smaller scale, all local (Illinois). Using an attorney is just another person getting our profile out to expectant mothers. If by chance we do find a private adoption without Angel, we can put our profile on hold and use their services again later.


We also are reaching out to all of you. You never know if your cousins, friends, uncles, sons girlfriend might be expecting and considering adoption. Sure, it sounds like a long shot, but it does happen. So keep your ears open, reach out to your friends, church, etc. We welcome all the help we can get.


Thank you,
Anne & Jim

Homework Packet(s)

Yesterday, we were assigned a social worker in Springfield & we scheduled our first in-office visit for September 14th. She sent us our "Homework Packets". Both are 15 pages each, but good news for us, 6 of those pages get sent to our friends for reference letters. Whew! Some of the pages include things like a Fire Evacuation Plan - Now, this is my kind of paperwork! I'm glad we have to do things like this, Ha-ha. (Jim is rolling his eyes.) Question #2) If you reside in a two story home and your children's bedrooms are on the upper level what are the means of escape in case the children cannot exit down the stairs? Escape ladder here we come! Or better yet, maybe we can install a slide so we can get Lilly and Leonard out easier, too. All joking aside, I really am glad we have to do things like this. It may seem a little overboard right now, but I am all about safety and planning. A safe home is a happy home. :)

Friends - Adoption Letter

Celebrating getting the rest of packet #2 sent off! Pretty sure the homework packet (#3) includes reference letters from our selected friends. Just remember, we are human prepossessing homo sapiens with full size aortic pumps.
xoxo

 

Patience

Another pregnancy announcement today. People might perceive this entry as a negative response to others happiness. It's not that. Some days are just harder than others. We're happy that so many people are blessed with the ease to expand their family.  In the past month, three people have announced their pregnancy for not their first child since we found out that we would struggle to expand our family, but now their second pregnancy. We're aware of how long we've been trying because of the effort... the excitement... and tragedies, but when people have two children in the time you're fighting for one, it's a harsh reality of how long it's actually been.

With that said, we find comfort in knowing we are on our way to becoming parents and expanding our family. It's just going to take a lot longer than most. 

Details

So…what are the details??? A lot of you are probably wondering the same things - so here's a few more details:

 Jim and I have signed a contract with a company out of Illinois that deals with infant adoption only. Technically, they are a marketing agency – not a licensed adoption agency. They work through Lutheran Child Family Services as their licensed agent. Why did we choose them? A) Cost. It’s about 1/3 the price of a large agency, B) It’s a small program, they only accept 6-8 families a month and they have a 98% placement rate under 24 months! Which is AWESOME. We also found this company through friends of friends that have adopted or that are in the program along with us.

 How does this work? Jim and I have filled out a profile that includes information about us, our family, our home, our pets, etc. We sent several pictures (probably some that include you), filled out questions such as adoption arrangement, and other factors. All of this information was compiled into our adoption profile. This profile is sent out to expectant mothers nationwide that are considering adoption. If they are interested in us, they let the company know, and they put us in touch. We talk on the phone, skype, meet, whatever it takes. This part of the process is called “Connected”. If the birthmother chooses us (which she will, because we are awesome), then we are “Matched”. And that’s the exciting part!!. Typically, a lawyer is hired in the state of the birthmother about 1-2 months before the expected due date. Some mothers stay in touch throughout pregnancy, some get a little distant. It’s a game of hope and patience. We wait for the call that she is in labor and we drive or fly to wherever she may be. Then 3-14 days later, once the paperwork is complete, we come home with our baby.

 Jim and I are open to any race and any gender.

 We are also open to the expectant mothers adoption arrangement preference: Open – annual visits, Semi-Open – letters and pictures, or Closed – no contact. We have mixed emotions about all of the scenarios. But most of all, we want what is best for our child; an arrangement that offers them the most answers and peace.

 What is the timeframe? The average wait is 12-16 months. Could be shorter, could be longer.

Xoxo,

Anne & Jim

Pictures

Hey, Hey, Hey! We got our pictures back from Joanna Strauss Photography! We didn't want to go overboard with the professional photographs, but also wanted to throw in a few recent images for our profile. Here's a sneak peak!

Getting started!

Things have been happening to get the adoption process going! We sent our contract to Angel at the beginning of August, and received the information to start building our profile. It’s hard to describe what it’s like to write to your potential birthmother (expectant mother). We found ourselves very humbled finding words to express not only our gratitude, but our endless compassion for this person and the decision they are making. In such a short time I feel like this experience has already changed who I am as a person. I feel like I have already expanded my open mindedness and this is just the beginning!

 It’s funny, we kind of struggled with how to portray our relationship, our life now and how we are going to incorporate our future child in this life we share. Seems simple enough, except that you are writing this to someone that ultimately decides if their child is placed with you… All I kept thinking was don’t say something stupid, don’t make it sound like we have too much fun, because then they can’t imagine us with a child… But we don’t want to sound boring either… You see where I’m getting here. And then it clicked. We just have to be ourselves. We have to describe our daily activities (that typically revolve around our dog), our family, and our passion – building our family.

 In unison, we sent our application for our home study to LCFS (Lutheran Child and Family Services). Wow! That’s a lot of paperwork. And just when you think you’re done, they’re like, “Great! We received your packet. Packet #2 is on the way out today.” Oh bother, this one is a doozy. It’s taking us more time than we anticipated because we have to gather so much paperwork that we don’t necessarily keep at hand. But we are almost there. I’m anxious for this one to be complete. Except that she explained that the next one is the “homework packet”. :-/ We’ve sent off our finger prints, which we hear takes the longest to turn around (4-6 weeks). Pretty soon we will be traveling to Springfield for interviews and then finally, our in-home visit. We’ve already started the little things like outlet covers, etc. We’re waiting for the last minute to install child safety locks on cabinets (Yes, you have to have these in place before you even have a child…) – I’ve never been good at managing child locks. And if I put locks on the cabinets for my cleaning supplies, I’ll probably just see it as an excuse to not clean.